Tis the season folks! Halloween, or better yet, Halloween Weekend is finally upon us and I for one am very excited despite not even picking out an outfit yet (Pray for me). I truly and strongly believe that the costume a person chooses says a lot about them. So, with the use of visuals from TV Halloween specials , allow me to introduce you to the 7 kinds of people you’re going to run into this Halloween.
1. The Pun Master
This witty person has a perfect understanding of the intricacies of the English language and they take ultimate delight in stopping and posing with their props when people ask what they are. If you are looking for the funnest person at the party, stick with the person dressed as french toast or beer on tap. Chances are, they are funny, a little nerdy, and don’t take themselves too seriously.
2. The Topical Trendster
The Topical Trendster is up on every political headline, trending topic, and celebrity gossip item. Their costume is going to be from a popular show (aka the onslaught of Stranger Things costumes we're going to get) or a call back from the series of real-life nightmares that were this year's presidential elections (aka dress up as POTUS and when anyone asks who you are, say you’re Hillary Clinton). If you’re not caught up on your Netflix queue, you might want to back far away from the Topical Trendster - they’re about to spoil three shows, two movies, and ask your political opinions in the span of 10 minutes.
3. The Pop Culture/Cosplay Wizard
These are your Dana Scully, Marty McFly, and Dr. Who costumes. They’re the tight knit group of people who, despite being adults, actually managed to fit in trick or treating before the party. Their costumes either look like they’ve been taken from the set of their favorite show or so DIY that you have to give them mad props for effort. This group is next to impenetrable unless you’re a little weird and are ok with deep discussions about who Rey’s parents are.
4. The “I’m not concerned with being politically correct” Guy
This person is also known as the racist, transphobic, culturally appropriative, Trump supporting guy or girl that will get too drunk and ruin the night with their terrible opinions and costume. You have my personal blessing to shut that sh*t down immediately. Dressing up as another culture, race, or ethnicity that you are not part of isn’t funny it’s offensive. Showing up to the party as Caitlin Jenner is not funny, it’s transphobic. Kim Kardashian getting robbed costume? Nope, not okay. Sexy Native American? Nope, not okay. Blackface? That’s a double nope. Halloween is supposed to be fun. Don’t ruin it by being a bad person.
5. The Sex Kitten
If you are wondering where the camera flash is coming from look no further than The Sex Kitten. And when you look that good in a tiny sexy Halloween costume, wouldn’t you take tons of pics? I’m a full supporter of sexy costumes (provided that they’re not offensive; see item 4 above) and you should be too! Halloween is the best time for a costume facilitated confidence boost. If you feel comfortable stepping out in your sexiest get up, go for it. Everyone else, look but don’t touch and make gross comments. Like I said before, Halloween is supposed to be fun, don’t ruin it by body and/or sexual shaming.
6. The Adorable Couple You Love to Hate or Hate to Love
Let’s be honest with each other, we all have a love/hate relationship with couples costumes. Your current relationship status might have some sway on how you feel about couples costumes. But generally, their cute and remind you that love is real and love is the Bob and Linda Belcher costume.
7. The No Show
Clutching a Coors Light by the bar there’s the guy who thought the costume policy for the party was a suggestion and not a requirement. In a plain T-Shirt and medium wash jeans, it never occurred to him that every person in attendance would be dressed up. His knuckles whiten as he grips the bar and complains to the bartender (who is also dressed up) about Halloween being stupid, but still wants to brainstorm about how he can create a BS costume idea so the cosplay wizards can stop asking him why he isn’t dressed up. He lands on plain clothes cop. No one’s impressed. He goes home alone and sad.