This is a very stressful time of year. If you're single and of a "certain age", you either have to wrangle a date or suffer through a setup. If you're in a long-term relationship, you have to make an effort to really wow your partner. And if you're in the middle of an "it's casual/it's complicated/what are we relationship", you have to decide if Valentine's Day is a step in the right (or wrong) direction. Either way, it's a logistical nightmare wrapped up in roses, chocolate, and/or awkward side hugs. Well, this year say goodbye to the pre-Valentine's Day freak out session because I've got your stress-free way out of stressful Valentine's Day plans.
1. "I have a business trip."
The (valid) excuse that started it all. A dear friend of mine realized that a big work conference cut right into Valentine's day this year and that she was pretty pumped. Have a major work conference in a city that's a least one hour away? Well book your tickets, because they're also your ticket away from awkward talks about "feelings". See? Work can be fun.
2. "I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out."
Going to the dentist is not exactly anyone's idea of letting the good times roll. But riddle me this, what's more painful, that root canal you've been avoiding or that phone call with your mom where she not so subtly reminds you that your high school boyfriend is also single.
3. "I'm volunteering at my local food bank."
Why should Christmas be the only time for cheerful giving? Make this holiday better by giving your time an energy to helping others. Plus, if you bail on plans to volunteer at an animal shelter, it doesn't even count as bailing. Right?
4. "Sorry, my girlfriends and I already made reservations!"
Best way out of making plans with your "It's Complicated" relationship is to make Valentine's Day Galantine's Day. Assemble your squad, drink some margs, and meticulously comb over every cryptic text they've ever sent.
5. "Valentine's Day is a capitalistic made up holiday rooted in traditional gender norms."
Nothing get's people to stop talking to you about Valentine's Day (and love in general) like going on a long rant about how our society has monetized love and traditional gender norms to make millions of dollars. This one's a personal fave.
6. "I'm sorry I already have plans with my body pillow named Oscar Isaac."
In the words of Ru Paul "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” So instead of getting all dolled up for someone else, take some much needed guilt free me time. Be your own Valentine and treat yo' self.
7. *Chewbacca Noises*
Chewbacca noises are reserved only for extreme situations like scheduling your second Tinder date on Valentine's Day weekend. When they bring up making plans, just let your best Chewy impression rip. They'll be so weirded out (or delighted) that they won't even remember what they were talking about.
8. "My mom said I need to go home right now immediately.
When all hope is lost. When all plans have failed. When worse comes to absolute worse. Make plans to go home and hang out with your parents. Chances are they'll have free chocolate.