The 20 Reasons Why We're Swiping Left

Lately, the tail end of my weekly happy hour with my closest friends, has been consumed with a little game we like to call Tinder.  At a table littered with empty beer glasses, plates, and used napkins, we take out our phones, place them on the table, and start our engines. Rules of the game? There are no rules! However that doesn't mean there aren't losers. In fact, Tinder is full of them. Here are 20 reasons why a group of single girls are openly and publicly saying no. 

  1. "Generic selfies. Don't you have friends who can take your picture?"
  2. "Girls in your photos. We get it. You know other women."
  3. "Netflix and Chill jokes." 
  4. "Any mention of 420. You smoke weed. k0oL"
  5. "Corny Tinder puns that you obviously found on Reddit."
  6. "Saying you like fit women but love pizza. Double standards."
  7. "Babies." 
  8. "Small Children." 
  9. "No description. You're just looking to f*ck a stranger and that's weird." 
  10. "Seems waaay too into hiking." 
  11. "Ugly tattoos."  
  12. "Comparing your looks to celebrities." 
  13. "Too many mutual friends." 
  14. "Weird about their mom."
  15. "Describes ideal girl in too much detail."
  16. "Too Ugly"
  17. "Too Good Looking"
  18. "Shirtless Pictures"
  19. "Current NJ resident." 
  20. "Profiles that say "message me if your actually serious, I Don't like to play games" UM I don't have time for your BS, and you're too serious. This is a game."

 

At the end of the day an online dating profile gives an unparalleled glimpse into a person’s psyche. Each picture and sentence selected are expertly crafted to leave an impression that this online persona attached to a real person is not only single but eligible and worth talking to. But as you can tell from above, that does not always go according to plan. 

And as a part time writer and a full time awkward mess, I don’t know how I am expected to seriously keep up with online dating. Are you telling me that as a 20-something employed semi-adult, I’m supposed to juggle Tinder on  top of countless other social media accounts I have? Because what I just described is a full time job with absolutely no benefits. However, making it a little game out of love is way funner than the harsh realities of being single in the city of brotherly love. So that I say, "To the left, to the left."


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